Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
