he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
