I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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