Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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