I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
