I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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