Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
