dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
