i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
