So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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