He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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