Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
