I'm really into asian looking animals
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
