I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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