Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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