life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
