I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
