Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
