he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
