sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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