he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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