That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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