we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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