She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
