The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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