I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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