y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
