I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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