fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
