Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
