look no pants
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
