im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
