Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
