I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
