I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
