Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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