M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
