why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
