dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
