Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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