SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
