Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Never joke about your clitoris.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
