Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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