Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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