Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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