You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
