Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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