I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
