she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
