It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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