This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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