Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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