I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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