it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
