TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
