doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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