i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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