halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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