I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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