I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
