Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
